'Lost': The secret identity of the Statue is officially revealed!

May 27, 2009, 05:35 PM by Jeff Jensen

It has been two weeks since the season finale of Lost, and my mad, murky mind is still whirring and pinwheeling with thoughts and theories and assorted tomfoolery. For example, I find myself seriously entertaining the notion that the famous Lost phrase "Don't tell me what I can't do!" -- uttered frequently and in various forms by headstrong heroes John Locke and Jack Shephard -- has all along been a coded reference to Enlightenment philosopher Immanuel Kant. "Don't tell me what I. Kant do!" Get it?!

Then again, such musings may be evidence that the Doc Jensen brain needs to go on a restorative, sanity-healing hiatus, too. But I promised you one more column, and I intend to deliver...very, very soon. By the end of the week. Why the delay? For starters, I want the season's last official column to include the year's last official episode of "Totally Lost" -- and we're still fine-tuning it.

In addition, I am still sifting through the results of my survey question: What are your top three "non-negotiables" -- the mysteries Lost MUST resolve during its final season in order for you to be satisfied? I got thousands of e-mails -- and I must say, rather scoldingly, that many of them didn't quite follow the rules I laid out. For example, many of you got confused, and instead of giving me three mysteries, you gave me, like, 39. Also, some of you wrote each of your three questions in the form of 700 word mini-essays that included, like, 10 other mysteries embedded within it.

But at least I can be grateful that you took the survey seriously. To reward your patience, I'd like to share with you the top 10, in no particular order, based on the surveys I've tabulated so far:

Where did Claire go?
What's the deal with The Island's Egyptian-themed ancient history?
Where are stewardess Cindy and the kids?
What's the deal with The Numbers?
What's Libby's backstory?
What's Richard Alpert's backstory?
What is the secret of The Island's power (time travel, healing properties, etc.)What is The Monster?
Why could Walt do the weird things he could do?
What is Jacob's backstory?

I'll reveal the ranked top 20 for you when my Doc Jensen column posts.

One more thing: Have you heard that Lost has quietly announced the identity of the Four Toed Statue? Nope, it ain't the Egyptian gods Anubis, Sobek or Set. If you wanna know, click here. I'll have some analysis for you in the Doc Jensen to come.

Namaste!